Mistress By Choice

She lived her life like a careless princess in a small world of her own… small yet big… with wide horizons… endless…limitless.  She wasn’t a damsel but had the charms to captivate … to soothe… give comfort… make you want… to love and care.   The daughter of a retired IAS officer, Samara…was a  fashion photographer… a very good one… well established and known in her field. Single… 28… strong and powerful.  She had always lived her life on her own rules.  No cares… no worries for the worldly rules and what people said or did.  She knew what was right for her and just did what her heart told her to.  Her parents lived someplace else who were visited by their daughter twice in a year.  She lived alone… with herself… and her best friends… her camera and her Laptop.  She seldom made friends, though she did have a few.  Some she had handpicked or maybe they had. And she adored them like anything just like they loved her. She always showcased a rebellious independent kind of image to the world.  Look at her and she is ‘DON’T MESS WITH ME’… argue with her and she will throw ‘YOU CAN EITHER AGREE WITH ME OR BE WRONG…’  and she was correct most of the times… specially in her social and professional circle, except in her personal life, which was a rough trough of ups and downs.  Bruised mostly by her relationships.    She always believed in love.  But her relations always jinxed due to something or the other.  Once a soft spoken girl with a very feminine essence was now just a hardcore personality for everyone.  Very few people knew the tough, bold and beautiful woman was young, restless and lonely from inside.  A bruised soul that sulked in silence all the time that no one could hear,  except Rahul.  Samara met Rahul in one of her exhibitions at Bangalore.  Rahul was on a business tour and was chilling out at the photography exhibition of her’s… named ‘GREY ECSTASSIES’.  Rahul was  an architect of 36, and a lover of art and always managed to steal some hours out of his busy life for Art and Culture.  The exhibition did very well as usual other’s, but what went well mor,e was the connection between the patron and the creator, that sparked a new dimension of relation between them.  What attracted her towards Rahul was his critics towards some minute points of her works, which any of the other ‘Woww.. you are so good…!!’ types with a plastic smile on their faces  seldom did.  The exhibition was for 06 days and Rahul visited it everyday, out of his 10 days stay.  Samara was thrilled.  He gave her a strange feeling of companionship… even when he was not talking with her and was busy staring at some framed picture in the hall.  Time passed and their relationship bloomed like a new born butterfly out of its coccon.  And it was growing day by day.  Late night talks on the telephone, on the internet, exchanging mails was a regular thing.  Any new work out of her camera and Rahul was the first one to see it.  She loved doing that and so did he.  He loved the smile and glow on her face every time he praised her.  They were madly in love with each other, that the outside world never knew.  Something that the world should never know. They would be cursed and maybe punished too.  For them their feelings were insane and they were sinners.  Rahul was married.  He had a family back in Delhi, with a beautiful wife… and a son of 12.  Rahul and Nisha were college sweethearts.  A strong love affair and now happily married.  Yes, they were happy in their married life and their son Akash added more charm to it.  Rahul and Akash were like buddies to each other.  He loved his son very much. He loved Nisha too.  But still… there was a still…

Something was missing somewhere.  Nisha was a well known name in the corporate sector, for her achievements and workaholic nature.  Buisness tours, presentations, clients… brought a missing accent  between them.  Something Rahul felt deep.  Something Nisha, realised, but could hardly help. And this was the reason Rahul fell for Samara.  She brought out the life in him.  Reminded him of his hidden desires… of his college days… of the young ambitious charming guy next door, not captivated with the day to day regular materialistic showcased life.  He smelled the air with her now… drank the raindrops with her… felt his soul inside… the real one.  Samara saw the shades of colours in her grey life. And they were happy with their invisible connections.

“Do you know what is GREY…?”

“Yes ..!! of course it’s a colour…”

“…No..! it’s just not a colour… it’s the chasm between BLACK and WHITE… a gap… a confused lone cold space… Are you a Lonely person…??”

Samara was taken aback with that statement of Rahul’s.  And she kept staring at him.  Words got jinxed in her throat.  Rahul smiled and turned to one of other frames.  That was one year back when they first met.  Now the sound of his voice bounced back in her head, as she rocked on her swinging chair, in the middle of the night, sipping a glass of wine. Things have suddenly changed a little between her and Rahul, since the last time he visited her.  They stayed together for 4 days and nights.  His voice hit again…voices of conversations they had, after they  made love to each other…for the very FIRST time…  when Rahul visited and they spent with each other 04 days and nights of love and joy…

“…this is not correct Sam… I should not do this…”

“…what happened sweets…?”

“… I am feeling guilty… like a cheater… am cheating on Nisha and my son…am cheating on you… they will be very hurt if they ever come to know this… You know I love Nisha and Akash very much…”

“…I understand that honey, we have talked about it on the very first day we proposed to each other… didn’t we…I have accepted it “

“…But this is not fair… I am doing injustice to you… you deserve much better.. you need to settle down with some other man… who can be with you all the time.. love and take care of you… what am I giving to you…?? Nothing…!!”

“…heyyy!! Don’t you tell me what I should be doing and what’s good for me..etc.. This is something I have chosen and no one tells me how I deal with them…That’s my prerogative..

I love you and you love me too…that’s enough for me… the feelings enough for me… I don’t need any physical presence… am too grown and worn out for those mushy desires…!! Please stop feeling guilty and don’t think of leaving me… all alone again… Nisha is always your first priority… and I am never gonna force myself on you.. and you know that…!!”

“I cant love two persons at the same time.. this is insane…”

“.. Love has no fixed dimensions… you r bothering too much… You give me happiness and peace… just be the way you are.. and lemme be as I am… You have a life out there… but I am stand at the same old place, where you leave me, everytime you go… I have nothing to gain… and nothing to loose… but yet a lottt to die for…”    

“… what if I go forever one day… change my phone number …address everything…and stop contacting with you…”

“… that dosnna change anything… I will not hate you… I will understand… my love for you will always exist… if you think I will forget and adjust… which eventually happens… then forget it… you know how stubborn I am…  and am done with any more desires of love and other stuffs … you know that…so you better stay…in any way you want… and I will be better…

Be silent… be invisible… dosn’t mater.. but plss don’t disappear…”

“You are some stubborn girl…ooff!! Okayy..!! but one thing… we wont go physical anymore…this will be the first and last… I am sorry… nor shall we say anything… it will be a silent connection… I know I am hurting you… but it pains me too… it gets hard to control for me…you can hate me for that”

“…I am sorry too… I should had taken care of that… I was supposed to take control… but I failed.. so I am the one who should be sorry… I promised you I will take care… haha.. yeah!! yeah!! it does hurts me… ouchhh!!! See so muccha pain… stupid… just becos you wont say dosn means I wont… and if you don’t say doesn’t means you don’t love me anymore… I know you do Mr. Rahul… and in anycase you cant escape me…”

“..whose escaping woman… anyways you have signed the pact for the next life… to be with me and not get late next time… haha… but am scared to tell all thos ‘I LOVE YOU’ and stuffs now… it kinda haunts me inside…”

“..Don’t worry honey… just be yourself… and don’t fear yourself or me… I told you, I will never force maself on you.. or be a problem for you… however it pains me inside… you will neva know… see I am a kind of Mistress to you…

“..SHUT UP…!! Don’t you….

“… Oh!! Ho!! Listen naa… now you shut up and listen…okayyy..!! I am a mistress…that’s a fact, and that doesn’t bothers me… even if people around are saying…

“…You have heard that…??”

“….yeah!! people are talking…and don’t interrupt me now..!  mistresses don’t have rights or choices… whatever litlle bit you give me in the form of your love is a privilege for me… My life was dead and cold anyways… you have given life to it… I don’t need or expect anything more…I am always destined to loose… cant afford to loose you …this time… cant bear the old smell of the pages of my life…back to back.. I don’t wanna return to the same old corner again… so I will take this little gift from god as my boon for life… YOU as my gift from god.. the dream.. that I can see… cant touch…but feel and love…and that keeps me very happy”

“…Yeah!! good old Mr. God has an errieee kind of sense of humour…!! I feel all these things too… I am not breaking my promises… just getting silent… I don’t wanna be unfair to anyone… I just want you to be happy…and you are no my mistress-wistress okayy..!!”

“…uhhh!! My lil’ baby..!! I am happy sweetheart… very happy… don’t ya see that in ma eyes… you know I cant lie… and you can read my face… am veryyy happy… Happy to be your mistress.. MISTRESS BY CHOICE…”

The phone beeped on her lap… and awakened Samara out of her dream… of the last conversations she had with him… when Rahul was here…

A smile flashed on her face… 3:30AM… it was  time

‘…Hello..!!”

‘….Hii  how are you…?’

‘…am good ..how are you..how was your day…??’

‘…hectic as usual… yours…”

“…Normal.. my new project is killing me… was listening to some music…”

“..you must sleep… “

“..you too… what are you superman or something… jerk..”

“..JERK!!! you call me a jerk…. Duhh!! Wateva..”

“….hahhhhhaaaa…’”

“…hahahaaheheheheee….why you not sleeping..??”

“…umm was working… you know late nights…am used to it..”

“…yeah!! two women in my life and both bloody workaholics… where do I go…??

“haha.. Love you…”

“..hmmm!! stupid…”

“….hahahhahahahhaaa……

“…hahahahahahheheehhahhaaaaaaa………

copyright @ sugataroy, 2008 allrightsreserved